More Fake News
PRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCES SALE OF
CALIFORNIA TO MEXICO
WASHINGTON (AP) – at 12:15pm today President Trump disclosed
that he has reached an agreement with Enrique Pena Nieto,
President of Mexico, which provides for the sale of
substantially all of the State of California to the country of
Mexico. President Trump noted that this deal, which he claims
“is his largest real estate deal ever” is a win-win for everyone
involved. One of the benefits he says he will highlight during
a prime time address from the oval office later this evening,
will include using the proceeds received by the US from Mexico
to 1) pay for the Wall (fulfilling yet another campaign
promise), a wall which will now include the length of the
eastern border of California, 2) fund all the infrastructure
spending in the remaining 49 states and 3) pay to relocate the
67 Republicans that currently reside in California.
He also noted that Federal money saved from the reduction of
California citizens on US social programs will allow those
social programs to be cash positive in less than 3 years.
Mexican President Nieto announced that he has already introduced
a bill to the Mexican Congress asking to change his country’s
name to MexiCal.
Other benefits President Trump intends to discuss during this
evening’s prime time address include:
California will now be able to act as a sanctuary state within
MexiCal noting that there is much more room for the refugees who
will find the climate in the State of California more desirable
than the climate in US cities such as NYC, Detroit or Chicago.
The elimination of the existing boarder between Mexico and
California will allow drugs to flow more freely between Mexico
and the users in Hollywood. Drug tunnel diggers at the Tijuana
border will now be able to use their skills to dig tunnels under
Los Angeles to help ease congestion in that city and allow
rioters to move about the city’s universities more freely
The U.S. taxpayer will no longer be on the hook for any future
disaster relief required once the next megaquake hits
The space in the Capitol and other DC buildings vacated by
representatives of California will be fumigated and turned into
“time-out rooms” for the press as well as Liberty Centers where
US citizens can meet with their congressmen to discuss the
pursuit of economic freedom.
Nancy Pelosi released a statement stating that she looks forward
to making the Mexican President’s life miserable and prefers the
year round weather in Mexico City to that of DC. Her office has
already announced a schedule of fund raising activities for what
is believed to be an upcoming campaign to run for President of
Papers released along with Trump’s statement reveal that a newly
incorporated real estate company, pmurT, Inc., which was
intimately involved in the deal discussions, will receive a
broker fee of $25 billion on the California sale. An anonymous
pmurT, Inc. representative has revealed that the profits on the
deal are HUGE and will be used to purchase, develop and convert
all abandoned US Federal facilities in California into special
high end retreats and resorts which will assist California
residents with managing their euphoria and transition into the
nanny state they have so long desired to be.
The exact northern border of the new MexiCal is still under
negotiation. Apparently the White House is concerned that
certain members of congress may be unwilling to give up
California’s wine country and are suggesting that the northern
boarder align with the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge.
California residents will be issued special blue cards to cross
the border into the US so that the total number of California
liberals entering the US can be tracked and at any point in time
not exceed predetermined levels. Residents that remain in
California after the effective date of the sale will not be
allowed to seek refugee status in the US in the future.
Mexican President Nieto stated he is thrilled with the deal and
is looking forward to declaring Spanish the national language
for his newly acquired territory and opening SSL (Spanish as a
second language) schools throughout California. He also noted
that funding for the transaction would come from the Mexican
drug cartels, which have agreed to provide low interest loans to
Mexico so long as they are allowed to move their cash out of
Switzerland and the Cayman Islands back into Mexico tax free. He
also said he considers the fact that a Disney park will now be
located within his country an added bonus.
White House representatives refused to confirm rumors that a
similar deal was in the works for the sale of Northeastern
states from NY through Maine, to Canada.
President Trump wrapped up his statement stating, “this deal is
HUGE and will help Make America, albeit a little smaller, Great
Oh, if it were only so! The U.S. would be free of a whole boat load of dead weight.